Richard v. Sally: Clarissa's love & emotions & stuff

In our current book, Mrs. Dalloway, The title character describes her many emotional connections: romantic, platonic, those in the grey area between. We really get a sense of the sort of bonds Clarissa forms throughout the text as she describes her different experiences with love, etc. Two such relationships that seem to have a lot  of weight in her life -- all be it for very different reasons-- are with her husband, Richard, and a friend from her youth, Sally Seton. 

Clarissa is obviously nostalgic about her time with Sally; after all, she does call that moment in the garden the most exquisite one in her life, which really makes it seem like more than a platonic relationship. I would venture to say it was romantic, but Clarissa doesn't really talk about it in romantic words, more so in adoring platonic ones; she seems to admire Sally intensely. However, I don't think we can rule out romance just based on Clarissa's thoughts -- they don't always realistically express all of the elements of what is going on! But I'll get at that in a minute when I look at Clarissa's relationship with Richard. Though it may not be romantic love, it is definitely LOVE of some variation. Clarissa thinks of Sally as she gets dressed, anticipating the moment Sally sees her in her as she comes downstairs; she watches Sally at dinner, can't stop thinking about her, looking at her, admiring and pondering her from afar. For now, I think it's easiest to call it a blurred love, stuck close to platonic but edging into romantic- admiring and delicate. 

Sally and Clarissa's love seems young in a sense of adventure, of we-shouldn't-be-doing-this impulse and fireworks and all that mushy, classic love stuff. We don't really get a sense of how Sally saw the relationship (at least not yet?), so it's pretty hard to say if the feelings were mutual, but Clarissa seemed to love Sally deeply and truly. Woolf certainly entertains and hints at the idea of a queer romance here, which is absolutely like her; having read The Waves, which contains more queer themes, this wasn't particularly unexpected from Woolf. It WAS unexpected from Mrs. Dalloway, though. I assumed while reading that Clarissa would be an upright, reasonably "well-behaved" character; a weak assumption to make with any Woolf character, apparently.

While Clarissa seemed more passionately and excitedly in love with Sally, her love with Richard is different. It is more sweet, more of an "I appreciate all the things you do for me, that is why I love you" kind of love. They consider each other, and care in smaller, sweeter ways. Clarissa thinks of it as if it were a more lasting love, the kind of love to grow old with. It struck me when I first got to Richard's passage, the one around page 115. Originally, Clarissa described her marriage with Richard in a way that came across as passionless -- it seemed as if it were understood between the two of the that it was based more on safety. She posed the relationship like something where, when they're in a room together, they have little to talk about; they see each other and eat together, host parties together; an effective team, not so much a passionate, deeply in love pair (but still a strange kind of appreciative-love, nonetheless). Don't get me wrong, though: Clarissa thought about Richard in sort of a "oh, my silly little boy" mindset. He was endearing and gentle, and absolutely deserving of affection! When the narrator entered Mr. Dalloway's head, though, i was quite surprised. He seemed to see Clarissa in a VERY different light! He giddily anticipated seeing her, thought about her throughout his business lunch, toiled over how to present her with flowers and let her know he loved her. His love seemed endearing, considerate, almost childlike. He made her get her rest, insisted she sleep alone to aid her recovery. Richard cares about and loves Clarissa deeply, wishes the best for her. 

In my mind, Richard and Clarissa's love seems to parallel Clarissa and Sally's in this way: where Clarissa looks up to Sally, thinks about her and ponders her Sally's actions and thoughts, Richard does the same for Clarissa. In Clarissa's description of Sally, Sally is this cool, collected, higher force, this power in Clarissa's life that she can't help but to think about and be drawn to; Richard seems to feel a similar way about Clarissa -- she is a miracle, a gift, his close friend and sweetheart.

I'm of course not saying Richard and Clarissa's love is in any way the same as Clarissa and Sally's, but there definitely seem to be parallels! Another one seems to be a lack of desire for a sexually charged relationship. Though I can't say for sure since we never get Sally's perspective, it feels like when Sally and Clarissa kiss it totally catches Clarissa off guard -- if Sally hadn't done it, it might not have ever happened.(?) In the same way, Richard and Clarissa don't seem to really need or desire more than being each other's romantic-best-friends.

Overall, I think Clarissa and Sally's love is sweet, young, passionate and exciting because it's so new. Clarissa can't stop thinking about Sally, and a moment with Sally is Clarissa's most magnificent one, in her LIFE. Richard and Clarissa are much different: they are in love out of respect, safety, understanding, and a sort of sweet little-kid-love; they love to hold hands, Richard gets the butterflies when he gives Clarissa flowers and hopes what goes unsaid gets across to her, so he doesn't have to speak up. Though there are so many elements I'm leaving out (cause I don't want to rant even MORE), I really do think some vague similarities can be drawn between the two relationships. What this says about Mrs. Dalloway, I'm not really sure; maybe it shows her sort of development from admirer to admired, her growth into the everyday, away from adventure? It'll take more thought to really be able to say for sure!